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September 5, 2008
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Gather 'round boys and girls
The story of X-mas will make your brain swirl

For I alone know who stole X-Mas, the truth
Is it wasn't the Grinch, but a famous sleuth

Don't yell, all ye fangirls, when you hear tell
Christmas did fall to the man they call "L"

The story starts here with a fright
From Watari to our hero, on a dark, stormy night...


"What? Christmas is cancelled? You must be joking Watari!" L dropped his tea. He couldn't beleive his ears. With the Los Angeles BB Murder Case having just been resolved, he had been looking forward to a stress-free Christmas, maybe go home to see the boys, or talk to them via video. But now...

"I assure you its true sir," said Watari somberly. He looked calm but for one thing, his mustache, which quivered with excitement. "But never fear, sir, they're replacing it with a holiday called... X-Mas. Yes, it now belongs to the Mega Toy Company of America."

"But then isn't it only an American holiday...." L trailed off. he knew the answer. Mega Toy Company had a large hold of the world, so even in his beloved England, where Wammy's house was, it would be "X-Mas". Watari shook his head anyway.

"Turn on the TV, sir," Watari said quietly. L turned on the TV, and turned to the news.

"Becky Beckson here with Action 5 news!" yelled the blonde anchorwoman on the news. She was smiling a smile too desperate and wide to be real. "Mega Toy Company decided prices go up up up on X-Mas toys! And X-Mas cake will be introduced next year. Not in time for C... X-Mas, unfortunately." She laughed a strangled laugh. L fell off his chair.

"N-no... cake?" L didn't like it t all. He struggled to listen as new X-Mas rules were announced:

1. Only MTC toys are X-Mas approved (what would L get for near? MTC made horrible toys with lead parts...)

2. MTC would only allow sugar-free faux-chocolate on X-Mas. (damn, but what could he get for Melo?)

3. Only educational video games are X-Mas appropriate (But matt likes ones with rpc and fighting... damn it all!)

The list went on to ridiculous lenghs. Ugh. L must stop X-Mas, but how? L thought and he thought till his brain was a bit tired. Then he smiled an adorable grin (you, dear reader, know the one) and said, "I've got it! I'll steal X-Mas!I'll call mysef Grinch..."

"Thats copyrighted," said watari drily, "and besides, how could you steal X-Mas from all over the world at once?"

"I'll get the other 'letters' to help!" Said L cheerily. "Then we can set up base at the north pole." He set off to work wth a spring in is step.

"Y'know, the people will hate you," said watari, "unless they get new presents."

"Damn..." said L, and sunk onto a chair, "I forgot about new presents."

"Santa could help," said Watari. L did not beleive in Santa, and thought this idea stupid. However, he agreed. Watari whistled hapily as they went to find santa . The very next day the set of for the north pole. when they arrived, they were surprised to find a very fat man in white long johns crying by a flag pole.

"What's wrong?" asked L civilly. The man looked up in surprise and seemed disturbed and angry to see L and Watari.

"Go away, please, my children. Christmas can be no more, so please leave and don't take it all away," cried the man. Watari offered him a handkercheif. Surprised, the man looked up. "Who are you?"

"I'm... Ryuzaki," said L, using this name the second time, "And this is Watari. My... father." Watari smiled. "We are here to find santa so he can help us steal X-Mas and bring back Christmas." L smiled politely. He was blunt.

The man stared at them, "You want Santa?" L nodded. "Well, you're lookin' at him." L and Watari gasped. "Yeah, need proof? You," Santa pointed to Watari, "Are Quillish Wammy. And you," he pointed to L, "are-"

L interrupted, "We beleive you are santa, but why are you here in your underwear?

Santa sighed, "They took away my elves and my reindeer and my clothes. The toys are there but we still need more..."

"They?"

"The MTC bigshots, Harry Weent and Suzy Lawnam"

"Santa," said L, "we can provide work force, clothes, transportation, and justice, if you will help me steal X-mas. My associates are on their way over and they would build your toys if you have material, someone can wire your sleigh, and of course, we will bring in new clothes."

"Okay," said santa, "sounds like a plan." Over the next few weeks, the "letters" of wammy's house worked on santa's toys, sleigh, and clothes. L perfected the stop drop and take plan, where L and Santa would alternate houses to stop in, take the X-Mas stuff, and drop the Christmas stuff.

On December 24th,  the toys were packed, the turbo jet sleigh was ready, and the suitS were ready. one for L, one for Santa. And a fake beard Hung loosely on L's chin. His Suit was baggy, because he refused to wear fake fat. Santa looked... Polished and magical. He jiggled his belly and laughed "ho ho ho" and they were off.

They executed stop drop and take perfectly on every house. They got through the night well, until they got to The MTC Bigshots' house ( Harry and Suzy were dating). Hary woke with a right at the sound of a thump on the roof. He had been having a nightmare Santa came and took all their money. Could it be real?

"Suze?" he woke her up gently. She was so pretty, but so devious. He loved her, but not enough to share his precious money. "Suze, wake up, I think Santa's back."

Suzy woke up and stretched delicately. "Whatcha want? He ain't back! He's got no sleigh or nothin!" Suzy was poorly educated. It showed in her vocab. However, she wasn't dumb, and she knew Santa needed his sleigh to go anywhere. And his sleigh needed reindeer. Which were locked away to be put in zoos. Stupid animals.

"Suze, lets check." They put on their nightgowns and went downstairs. to see a man in a red suit standing beneath their X-Mas tree. Santa. But there was something strange about him.

"You've been naughty, Suzy Lawnam and Harry Weent," said the Santa-figure. He stepped into the light. It was L. "Embezzling X-Mas money? Tsk, Tsk." He shook out some papers in his hands. "My researchers were all over you two the past couple of weeks, and now you're going to jail."

Harry and Suze froze. "Who... are you?" they asked. He smiled. "You'll never know."

Where was Santa? he was making the rest of the stops. while L called the police to arrest Harry and Suze. As the police took the embezzlers away, L smiled his cutest smile. He felt... accomplished. "Now lets get some cake," he said to no one in particular as he walked towards the sunrise. A few days later, news was all over about how santa saved Christmas, but no one ever knew L was behind it. And he was fine with that. He had gotten a large cake from Santa in way of a present, and he jetted off to England to spend Christmas Day with the boys at Wammy's House. But he had to tell someone there what he did. Someone with a sense of wonder.

He told me. You can call me C.
UPDATE AS OF APRIL 15 2009:
I just reread this. And wow. Could I have picked stranger last names? That's all i wanted to say. I apologize for the wierd last names



OMG, I love "Watari's mustache quivered in excitement"! lol. And I widh i cold see a pic of L in his little baggy suit standing next to santa! yay! anyone feel like drawing it?Oh, um explanation and rant after copyrights. But, um, yeah a fun little story I wrote cos well, it had to be done.

I give :iconchurch-of-l: permision to use this and put this on their page legally yesh!

BTW, the C bit was a parody on Mello in DN: Another Note. The "letters" were like L, B, N, M, etc. Yeah. :)

L, watari, and other DN characters (c) Ohba and Obata.. senseis
The Grinch (c) Dr. Suess (anyone who correctly puts his real name in the response gets cookie! cos Dr. Suess in a nom de plum)

Yeah so this idea came about because of my deviation L Stole Your cake ([link]) and I was writing about what cake and I was thinking to myself "L stole Christmas and made it Cakemas" but then i'm like duh, L SAVEs Christmas, but a fooly name. Yay! So yeah its a political and religious statement wrapped in a fun little package, and out three months beforehand (hello, Drug Fair!).

*WARNING: EXTREME RELIGIOUS AND POLITICAL VIEWS OF ME*
Okay guyas, my point is that Christmas is too commercialized, and its called X-MAS but the point of christmas is CHRISTmas. and come on, walmart can say "HOLIDAY sale" but why do we have to be so PC? Its Christmas break, not holiday break, cos Its a break for christmas! Now, do i think its FAIR there's no hannukah break for jewish kids? No, I do not. I honestl don't know when kwanza is (dont kill me) but there should be break for that too. The oint is, America was predominantly a Christian/Protestant country. Hey, half my family's jewish, so don't get me wrtong. I'm not dissing other religions or saying Christianity's better. I'm just saying, Christmas is too commercial. Santa is everywhere. So why call it a "holiday sale" when your sail sign has santa right on the friggin top? That is my point. okay. Bring CHristmas back to CHRIST. not about presents. covered my rant. Good. okay yeah heh sorry its a rant. um comments welcome? of course i'm willing to hear opposing veiws just don't criticize my work in comparison to Ohba and Obata senseis' original L. THANX!
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:iconvladroxmysox:
Vladroxmysox Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
in L's honor I am currently reading this while sitting like L...sorta...and eating cake with only two fingers sorta on my fork :3.
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:iconmolmol97:
molmol97 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009
That was hilarious!!!!!!!!
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:iconluluthepenguin12:
Luluthepenguin12 Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009
gracias :bow:
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:iconmolmol97:
molmol97 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2009
vanada! ( me ot sure if that how u spell it!)
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:iconluluthepenguin12:
Luluthepenguin12 Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009
It should be.
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:iconmolmol97:
molmol97 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009
kk ty!
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:iconsailorsun546:
SailorSun546 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh my gosh that is the cutest Christmas fic I have ever read!

You're dang right it's called CHRISTmas! And Santa says "Ho ho ho." I don't care what the rappers say, the can take their offensive music and jump in a lake and be eaten by mutant puffer fish!

Seriously, that was such an adorable fic, and I love that you threw a message in there as well. Heeeeeee my beloved L saving Christmas, how wonderful it would be! :heart:

And hey, it's June here, but Merry Christmas to ya. ;P
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:iconluluthepenguin12:
Luluthepenguin12 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2009
Its June here too. I wrote this in December. But thanks XD And thanks for the compliments. Have a cookie :cookie:
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:iconsailorsun546:
SailorSun546 Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
WOOOOHOOOOO COOKIE!!!! :heart: *noms* Thankyooooouuuuu!
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:iconluluthepenguin12:
Luluthepenguin12 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2009
No problem as long as you keep your hands off my cinnabuns!
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