Gather 'round boys and girls
The story of X-mas will make your brain swirl
For I alone know who stole X-Mas, the truth
Is it wasn't the Grinch, but a famous sleuth
Don't yell, all ye fangirls, when you hear tell
Christmas did fall to the man they call "L"
The story starts here with a fright
From Watari to our hero, on a dark, stormy night...
"What? Christmas is cancelled? You must be joking Watari!" L dropped his tea. He couldn't beleive his ears. With the Los Angeles BB Murder Case having just been resolved, he had been looking forward to a stress-free Christmas, maybe go home to see the boys, or talk to them via video. But now...
"I assure you its true sir," said Watari somberly. He looked calm but for one thing, his mustache, which quivered with excitement. "But never fear, sir, they're replacing it with a holiday called... X-Mas. Yes, it now belongs to the Mega Toy Company of America."
"But then isn't it only an American holiday...." L trailed off. he knew the answer. Mega Toy Company had a large hold of the world, so even in his beloved England, where Wammy's house was, it would be "X-Mas". Watari shook his head anyway.
"Turn on the TV, sir," Watari said quietly. L turned on the TV, and turned to the news.
"Becky Beckson here with Action 5 news!" yelled the blonde anchorwoman on the news. She was smiling a smile too desperate and wide to be real. "Mega Toy Company decided prices go up up up on X-Mas toys! And X-Mas cake will be introduced next year. Not in time for C... X-Mas, unfortunately." She laughed a strangled laugh. L fell off his chair.
"N-no... cake?" L didn't like it t all. He struggled to listen as new X-Mas rules were announced:
1. Only MTC toys are X-Mas approved (what would L get for near? MTC made horrible toys with lead parts...)
2. MTC would only allow sugar-free faux-chocolate on X-Mas. (damn, but what could he get for Melo?)
3. Only educational video games are X-Mas appropriate (But matt likes ones with rpc and fighting... damn it all!)
The list went on to ridiculous lenghs. Ugh. L must stop X-Mas, but how? L thought and he thought till his brain was a bit tired. Then he smiled an adorable grin (you, dear reader, know the one) and said, "I've got it! I'll steal X-Mas!I'll call mysef Grinch..."
"Thats copyrighted," said watari drily, "and besides, how could you steal X-Mas from all over the world at once?"
"I'll get the other 'letters' to help!" Said L cheerily. "Then we can set up base at the north pole." He set off to work wth a spring in is step.
"Y'know, the people will hate you," said watari, "unless they get new presents."
"Damn..." said L, and sunk onto a chair, "I forgot about new presents."
"Santa could help," said Watari. L did not beleive in Santa, and thought this idea stupid. However, he agreed. Watari whistled hapily as they went to find santa . The very next day the set of for the north pole. when they arrived, they were surprised to find a very fat man in white long johns crying by a flag pole.
"What's wrong?" asked L civilly. The man looked up in surprise and seemed disturbed and angry to see L and Watari.
"Go away, please, my children. Christmas can be no more, so please leave and don't take it all away," cried the man. Watari offered him a handkercheif. Surprised, the man looked up. "Who are you?"
"I'm... Ryuzaki," said L, using this name the second time, "And this is Watari. My... father." Watari smiled. "We are here to find santa so he can help us steal X-Mas and bring back Christmas." L smiled politely. He was blunt.
The man stared at them, "You want Santa?" L nodded. "Well, you're lookin' at him." L and Watari gasped. "Yeah, need proof? You," Santa pointed to Watari, "Are Quillish Wammy. And you," he pointed to L, "are-"
L interrupted, "We beleive you are santa, but why are you here in your underwear?
Santa sighed, "They took away my elves and my reindeer and my clothes. The toys are there but we still need more..."
"The MTC bigshots, Harry Weent and Suzy Lawnam"
"Santa," said L, "we can provide work force, clothes, transportation, and justice, if you will help me steal X-mas. My associates are on their way over and they would build your toys if you have material, someone can wire your sleigh, and of course, we will bring in new clothes."
"Okay," said santa, "sounds like a plan." Over the next few weeks, the "letters" of wammy's house worked on santa's toys, sleigh, and clothes. L perfected the stop drop and take plan, where L and Santa would alternate houses to stop in, take the X-Mas stuff, and drop the Christmas stuff.
On December 24th, the toys were packed, the turbo jet sleigh was ready, and the suitS were ready. one for L, one for Santa. And a fake beard Hung loosely on L's chin. His Suit was baggy, because he refused to wear fake fat. Santa looked... Polished and magical. He jiggled his belly and laughed "ho ho ho" and they were off.
They executed stop drop and take perfectly on every house. They got through the night well, until they got to The MTC Bigshots' house ( Harry and Suzy were dating). Hary woke with a right at the sound of a thump on the roof. He had been having a nightmare Santa came and took all their money. Could it be real?
"Suze?" he woke her up gently. She was so pretty, but so devious. He loved her, but not enough to share his precious money. "Suze, wake up, I think Santa's back."
Suzy woke up and stretched delicately. "Whatcha want? He ain't back! He's got no sleigh or nothin!" Suzy was poorly educated. It showed in her vocab. However, she wasn't dumb, and she knew Santa needed his sleigh to go anywhere. And his sleigh needed reindeer. Which were locked away to be put in zoos. Stupid animals.
"Suze, lets check." They put on their nightgowns and went downstairs. to see a man in a red suit standing beneath their X-Mas tree. Santa. But there was something strange about him.
"You've been naughty, Suzy Lawnam and Harry Weent," said the Santa-figure. He stepped into the light. It was L. "Embezzling X-Mas money? Tsk, Tsk." He shook out some papers in his hands. "My researchers were all over you two the past couple of weeks, and now you're going to jail."
Harry and Suze froze. "Who... are you?" they asked. He smiled. "You'll never know."
Where was Santa? he was making the rest of the stops. while L called the police to arrest Harry and Suze. As the police took the embezzlers away, L smiled his cutest smile. He felt... accomplished. "Now lets get some cake," he said to no one in particular as he walked towards the sunrise. A few days later, news was all over about how santa saved Christmas, but no one ever knew L was behind it. And he was fine with that. He had gotten a large cake from Santa in way of a present, and he jetted off to England to spend Christmas Day with the boys at Wammy's House. But he had to tell someone there what he did. Someone with a sense of wonder.
He told me. You can call me C.